How to increase your self-esteem?

People often think someone has great self-esteem because they seem happy to talk with new people or they are always laughing. They think they must be really confident because they have been a performer, a public speaker etc. The sad reality is that anyone can suffer low self-esteem and sometimes you can’t even notice their struggle. The weeks leading up to their public appearance they might spend worrying and practicing and thinking of everything that can go wrong. At its worse they might have panic attacks and think of every possible excuse they can come up with to avoid doing it. Some might even believe if they do it they could die.

Even in a normal day people struggle with smaller things, even leaving the house, meeting people or going places on their own. They keep busy, They cover it up, They pretend they are fine, maybe to fool you? or maybe just to fool themselves?

“The problem with having low self esteem for me is not that I can’t carry on as normal or even that I can’t hold my head high and pretend I am proud of who I am, its that when life hands me another knock it hits me hard. The mask I have build for myself crumbles and I break down.”

What causes low self-esteem?

Low self-esteem can come from negative life experiences leading to negative core belief of yourself. These are just opinions yet you feel they are fixed facts. This can be from childhood when your personality and sense of self are developing or even later in life from a traumatic event.

Common experiences that effect core self beliefs:

1. Being lonely
2. Poor health
3. Being bullied or feeling isolated at school or work
4. Failing to meet you parents expectations
5. Being neglected emotionally and physically as a child
6. Stress or peer pressure to conform to something you don’t agree with
7. Fearing redundancy or being unemployed
8. Trauma 
9. Sexual, physical or emotional abuse
10. Losing a loved one

How do you recognize low self-esteem?

Sometimes to cope people get so use to putting on a persona hoping it will help them to survive the world, that others wouldn’t even notice they have issues and insecurities. So how can you spot if a friend has low self-esteem, or even how do you know when your own feelings goes past shyness and into poor self-esteem?

“Characteristics of Genuinely Low Self Esteem

1. Social withdrawal
2. Anxiety and emotional turmoil
3. Lack of social skills and self confidence. Depression and/or bouts of sadness
4. Less social conformity
5. Eating disorders
6. Inability to accept compliments
7. An Inability to see yourself 'squarely' - to be fair to yourself
8. Accentuating the negative
9. Exaggerated concern over what you imagine other people think
10. Self neglect
11. Treating yourself badly but NOT other people
12. Worrying whether you have treated others badly
13. Reluctance to take on challenges
14. Reluctance to put yourself first or anywhere.
15. Reluctance to trust your own opinion
16. Expecting little out of life for yourself.”

   (Source: www.self-confidence.co.uk)

So how do you increase your self-esteem and how is it related to mental health? can you fake it to make it? Some people have been doing it for years and still struggle daily and never know how to ask for help or if they will ever get to a point where everything isn’t such a struggle.

Here are 10 tips for coping with low self-esteem:

1. "Stop comparing yourself to other people.
2. Don’t put yourself down.
3. Get into the habit of thinking and saying positive things about yourself to yourself.
4. Accept compliments.
5. Use self-help books and websites to help you change your beliefs.
6. Spend time with positive supportive people.
7. Acknowledge your positive qualities and things you are good at.
8. Be assertive, don’t allow people to treat you with a lack of respect.
9. Be helpful and considerate to others.
10. Engage in work and hobbies that you enjoy.”

       (Source: www.mind.org.uk)

Low self-esteem can effect everything you do in life and gives you low resilience to deal with life's situations. If you are struggling to cope and need help you can email us at: 

team@nurturingnatalsupport.co.uk

Depression

How to get help for depression

At some point in our lives we all know how it feels to get so depressed that we hurt inside as if it was a physical pain, and then time goes by or we find a way to solve our problem and we can move on. For some people that feeling doesn’t go away and these feelings start interfering with their lives. This is when it is not so much the expression of “I feel Depressed” but the actual medical definition of depression. 

Please note any of the following information should not replace that of your medical practitioner, Please consult them if you have any questions about your health care.

There are a few known specific forms of depression: 

“Seasonal affective disorder (SAD) – this is seasonal depression which is related to day length. It usually comes on in the autumn and winter, when days are short and the sun is low in the sky, and gets better as the days get longer and brighter.

Postnatal depression – many mothers have ‘the baby blues’ soon after the birth of their baby, but it usually passes after a day or two. Postnatal depression is a much more serious problem and can occur any time between two weeks and two years after the birth. 

Bipolar disorder (manic depression) – some people have major mood swings, when periods of depression alternate with periods of mania. When manic, they are in a state of high excitement, and may plan and may try to carry out over-ambitious schemes and ideas. They often then have periods of severe depression.” 

(Source: www.mind.org.uk)

Are you depressed? 

Here are some symptoms of depression, if you relate to more than four of these don’t feel you are alone and don’t be afraid to seek help.

• Feeling low for most of the day for more than two weeks 
• Feeling tired with low energy 
• Loss of interest for things you used to enjoy 
• Loss of self confidence and low self esteem 
• Difficulty sleeping
• Difficulty concentrating 
• Feeling helpless and hopeless
• Feeling guilty and worthless without reason
• Finding it hard to relate to others 
• Finding it hard to function at work 
• Loss of sex drive or sexual problems
• Loss of appetite or eating more
• Physical aches and pains with no medical reason
• Thinking about suicide of death 
• Self harm 

Who gets depressed?

Anyone can suffer from depression, it does not matter what gender, age or background, it does not care. Depression is very common, it is nothing to be ashamed of and it is not a sign of weakness. 

• “Depression is very common.
• Between 5 and 10 per cent of the population are suffering from the illness to some extent at any one time.
• Over a lifetime you have a 20 per cent, or one in five, chance of having an episode of depression.
• Women are twice as likely to get depression as men.
• Bipolar affective disorder is less common than depressive illness with a life-time risk of around one to two per cent. Men and women are equally affected.” 

 (Source: www.netdoctor.co.uk)

What causes depression?

It is still not known what causes depression, though is thought that it comes from a combination of reasons and has different triggers. It can depend on a persons personal experiences, genes or psychological reasons. 

You are more at risk of developing depression if:

• You are going through a stressful event
• You are cut off from friends and family and you are feeling lonely 
• Physical conditions
• If you already have low self esteem or our overly self critical 
• If someone else in your family has suffered from depression in the past
• If you have given birth 
• You misuse alcohol or drugs
• Side effects of medication

Medical side of depression:

• “Modern brain scans that can look at how 'hard' the brain is working have shown that some areas of the brain (such as at the front) are not working as well as normal.
• Depressed patients have higher than normal levels of stress hormones.
• Various chemical systems in the brain may not be working correctly, including one known as the serotonin or 5-HT system.”

 (Source: www.netdoctor.co.uk)

What treatments are available? 

If you feel you have depression you should seek help form your GP, Many people think it is not important and suffer in silence. It is important and there is help. 

Sometimes there is a trigger for depression and you will know why you feel the way you do but also It can come from no where and there is no obvious reason.

The treatment for depression is usually talking therapy or medication, sometimes a mixture of them both. The treatment your GP recommend will depend on what type of depression you have. 

Some will recommend life style changes

• Eating more healthy
• Cutting down on alcohol 
• Getting more exercise 
• Joining a support group 

If you are diagnosed with mild depression they might suggest:

• Watchful waiting - Waiting to see if it goes by itself, you will be monitored by your GP
• Exercise
• Self help groups - talking about your feelings and finding support is a very important part of recovery 

If you have been diagnosed with mild to moderate depression:

• Your GP may refer you to talking therapy such as cognitive behavior (CBT) therapy and counselling. CBT helps your understand your thoughts and behavior and helps you recognize how the events in your past affect you. It helps you change the way you think and act so you can take control of your present life. 

For moderate to severe depression they may:

• Antidepressants - there are almost 30 different kinds of antidepressants and they can help treat symptoms of depression.

• Combination therapy - this is when they give you a course of antidepressants which work alongside talking therapy. 

• Mental health team - they can provide medication as well as an intensive specialist talking treatment. It is made up of nurses, therapists, psychologist and psychiatrists. 

It is a painful and isolating time when you are suffering depression, talk to your family and close friends. Support is needed and you can’t do it alone. If you feel you have no one to talk to or would rather talk to someone different please email us at: team@nurturingnatalsupport.co.uk

Interview with our therapeutic Consultant on PND and bonding

This week I asked our therapeutic consultant, Graham Old, how to cope with postnatal depression and bonding with your baby. 

When we have a baby we are led to believe things will be textbook and everything will happen in stages. We don't think about how different our pregnancies can be or even how far from the plan the labour will go. We also expect that when we first see our beautiful little bundles that we will instantly feel a bond, we are showered with phrases like "nothing is as strong as a mothers bond" or "A mothers instincts are never wrong" but for some it doesn't happen so quickly and they are left feeling guilty. Everything happens at different times for different people, but how do we bond if you can't heal first? 

www.hypnosisnorthampton.com 



For PND, it's difficult to give one answer, as someone can not feel a bond for all kinds of reasons. However, some of the stuff I would explore would be around:

 1) Remove guilt

This is the most common reaction. 

People know how much important attachment is to a baby, so blame themselves when they don't feel it and think they can't give it.

If someone can't feel the attachment bond and wants to, then clearly it is not something they are choosing. It could be down to chemical issues (eg depression), tiredness, guilt, anger, trauma - none of which they should be blamed for.

2) Remove the pressure. 

As I said above, people know it's important. However, continually putting pressure on themselves to feel something they can't feel achieves nothing. 

More effective can be relaxation classes or stress support groups. This works because sometimes the lack of bond is due to misplaced feelings. Without being aware of it, people can take feelings of anger (eg against someone else) and feel them towards their baby. Relaxation classes are surprisingly effective in this case.

3) act the bond

Love is more than a feeling. I like the expression, "love is a verb". 

What the child needs to feel and experience is attachment and care. That doesn't necessarily mean the parent needs to feel it. This is kinda like 'fake it till you make it". If the parent acts as if there is a bond then this means the baby gets what they need and the parent teaches themselves what the Bond looks like. In many cases, the feelings eventually follow.

4) remembering to take the pressure off - let someone else do it.

There is nothing to say that the child can only feel the security from the mum. The old African proverb says that "it takes a village to raise a child." So, whilst the mum is learning to bond, the baby can receive what they need from dad, grandparents, etc. 

5) Support groups / therapy

Often works, particularly support groups. 

By sharing your feelings and meeting others with similar issues, you will not only find comfort in knowing you are not alone, but it will show you that no one is to blame, and it can happen to anyone.

6) take your time

Having a baby is always a shock. Add sleeplessness, financial strain, physical trauma, relationship pressure and identity changes - it's no wonder people struggle. But no one said it comes in the blink of an eye. Often bonding issues can be made worse by unrealistic expectations. 


Please don't feel you have to struggle alone, we at Nurturing Natal Support can offer you help, please feel free to email us with any questions, or even if you just need a listening ear. We will be holding a PND and anxiety support group soon, venue TBC. In the mean time keep in touch and share as much or as little as you like! 

Closed peer support facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/NurturingNatalSupport

Gestational diabetes

What is gestational diabetes?


Diabetes is a condition where there is to much glucose (sugar) in the blood, this is controlled by the hormone insulin produced by your pancreas. When pregnant women who have higher than average glucose in there blood their bodies are unable to produce enough insulin to transport the glucose to the cells. This results in the build up of glucose in the blood instead of being converted into energy.

"Between 1 in 20 of expectant mothers develop this condition, making it one of the most common health problems of pregnancy" (Source: www.diabetes.co.uk)

Please note any of the following information should not replace that of your medical practitioner, Please consult them if you have any questions about your health care or that of your baby

What will a glucose involve?

If you are considered at risk of gestational diabetes you will be offered a Glucose tolerance test (GTT) around 24- 28 weeks pregnant. The test will consist of a blood test that will be done after a period of fasting. They will take a blood test then you will be asked to drink a glucose drink, after two hours they will then take another blood test to see how your body reacts. 

What puts me at risk of gestational diabetes?

There are various factors that can potentially increase the risk of gestational diabetes. You are at risk if:

• you have a history of diabetes within the family

• your origin is south Asian, black Caribbean or Middle Eastern  

• you have a BMI over 30

• you've had gestational diabetes before

What are the risks to my pregnancy? 

If you are diagnosed with gestational diabetes you will need to be aware of the risks this can cause for you, your baby and your labour, but do not let this overwhelm you as now you are diagnosed you can manage it. 

The risks if not managed:

• having a larger baby

• complications in delivery

• still birth

• health problems such as diabetes in later life

• issues for your baby after birth such as heart and breathing problems that will require hospital care

How can I manage my diabetes?

Most women who have gestational diabetes go on to have healthy babies. After they are diagnosed most can control it through diet and you will be given a kit to test your blood glucose levels. As a diabetic you can still enjoy most food but to keep your sugar levels balanced you must watch your portions and keep your protein, fat and carbohydrates intake balanced. You will meet with a dietician to help you choose the right food and portioning. On occasion if you blood sugar is constantly high or your baby is a little larger than usual on the ultrasound scan they will give you tablets or insulin injections. You will also have more frequent anti natal appointments to monitor your and babies health.


If you have had gestational diabetes while pregnant it is important you get tested each year as you are twice as likely to develop type 2 diabetes later in life.

How will this effect my labour and birth?

If you have gestational diabetes it is recommended you give birth in hospital with a consultant lead maternity team who are experienced with caring for diabetic mothers and their babies.  If your diabetes is controlled it is unlikely that your baby's birth will be effected. However it might be recommended to have your labour induced at around 38 weeks or you might require a caesarean. 
Your baby will be monitored throughout your labour to insure they are safe and not distressed, you will also have your blood monitored and in some cases you maybe put on a drip so you can be given insulin to keep your sugar levels in the correct range through your labour.


How will this effect me and my baby after birth?

Once you have had your baby most women's gestational diabetes will go away, you will be able stop taking any medication you have been given for it. You will be offered another blood test around 6 weeks post natal to check that your levels have returned to the recommended levels. Even though your gestational diabetes has gone you should still have a diabetes test ever year and take care of your health as you are still at risk of developing diabetes type 2. 
After your delivery you baby their blood with also be checked by taking a drop of blood from their heel. You should feed your baby as soon as possible to help prevent or correct hypoglycaemia. 




It can be really difficult and frightening going through a difficult pregnancy and having an extra illness to deal with can be overwhelming, please don't feel you are alone, if you would like support or just someone who has been through it to please feel free to contact us: team@nurturingnatalsupport.co.uk

Facebook: www.facebook.com/NurturingNatalSupport

Facebook closed group: (if you would like to speak to others in a similar position in confidence)
                        
www.facebook.com/groups/NurturingNatalSupport/

Nurturing Natal Support Meeting on 16th sept 2013

Some of you may already know us: either in person; on our facebook page; of our facebook closed group - but we thought we would share a bit more about us and what we are up to.

Nurturing Natal Support started officially on the 17th of March 2013, aiming to help families who have suffered from birth trauma;  difficult pregnancies;  pregnancy related illnesses; childcare concerns;  and loss.

To start with let me introduce you to the NNS Team

Victoria Stuart - Chairperson, Events Organiser and Head of Marketing and Promotion

I am a super proud mummy of a little boy. I founded NNS after having a traumatic birth which led to anxiety. I felt I needed to do something after receiving little support myself - I hated to think of others going through the same and having it swept under the carpet. I have worked in entertainment and promotion; and now with our NNS team I feel we can make an improvement to other families lives.

 

Graham Old - Therapeutic Consultant, Hypnotherapist and Workshop Host

Graham is a proud dad of 3 and previously worked as a Father's Worker with teenage dads. He is a qualified life coach and certified clinical hypnotherapist. He also works alongside professional bodies, offering support and guidance to families in crisis. He also has a background in pastoral counselling, and a long career in family support, mental health, and learning difficulties. 

 

 

Micala Wagstaff - Administrator, Finances and Graphic Designer 

Micala is a mummy of two and runs her own business, designing website and graphics. She previously worked in the public sector, dealing with benefits, finance and social housing.

Some of the NNS Team working hard and drinking copious amounts of tea

Now you know a little about us lets move on to our meeting. This months meeting was held at the King William IV in Kingsthorpe, Northampton. It was our first official meeting with our complete board of trustees. We very much like this pub, its beautiful and friendly and perfect for families. They completely stole my heart when they brought out tea in these cute little teapots! We want some for our office!!!  We spent our meeting going over our roles; what we would like to offer families and when. 

So I guess the first announcement we can share with you is that we have planned our first fundraising event! It will be held at the King William IV on the 15th March 2014 and will be a Garden Party. We will have demos, such as baby massage, baby sign, hypnotherapy. There will also be stalls, crafts, face paint, natural health and medical health info, games, music, photos and lots more.

If you think you would fit this event and would like to book a stall please complete our online Stall Holder Application 

We have so much exciting news for all our families and the local community - it would be hard to fit it all into this blog post, so keep your eyes peeled for our website going live soon and our weekly blog posts every Friday! TTFN - Vicky x

How does being rhesus negative effect my pregnancy?

What does rhesus negative mean?

Many of us don't know our blood type before becoming pregnant so at your first midwife appointment they will test this for you (amongst other things). Most people are rhesus-D positive, which means the surface of their red blood cells contains a protein called the D antigen. But around 15% of people in the UK are rhesus negative, known as RhD negative (Source: Mumsnet).



Please note any of the following information should not replace that of your medical practioner. Please consult them if you have any questions about your health care or that of your baby

How does it affect me?

Once you have your blood test results your midwife will tell you if you are rhesus negative or not. If you are rhesus negative don't panic - we are going to go through what kind of care you should expect and why.

You will need injections during your pregnancy called Anti-D. The frequency and amount varies depending on where you are in the country, but it is usual to have at least one injection during pregnancy.

The most common way of having this injection is in the top of your thigh or buttocks. Your midwife will ask you to lay down for this on your side, and may also ask you to wiggle your feet. Though you may feel slightly silly doing this, I would recommend you do it anyway. When I had my anti-d injection I found this helped releive the pain (yes unfortunately this injection can be a little painful).

Depending where you are in the country you may have a second or even third injection of anti-d. But you may also have an injection after birth. The midwife, nurse or doctor will take blood samples shortly after birth from you and the umbilical cord. This will be then tested for the D antigen - if your baby is rhesus positive, then you will need another anti-D injection within 72 hours.

Why do I need these injections?

These injections are important incase your baby has rhesus positive blood from their father - this would make your blood and the baby's blood incompatiable. If your blood then comes into contact with the baby's blood, then an immune response is triggered. Your body will then develop antibodies that fight against your baby's blood which is known as sensitisation.

It is very unusual for your blood and the baby's blood to mix during pregnancy (although this risk increases with each subsequent pregnancy), and sensitisation doesn't normally occur until after birth. The likihood of you having a sensitisation event increases when there is:

• Bleeding during pregnancy
• Invasive procedures such as an amniocentesis or CVS
• Abdominal injury during pregnancy
• External cephalic version (where the baby is turned in the later stages of pregnancy)
• Misscarriage
• Ectopic pregnancy
• Termination
• Blood transfusions

If you are rhesus negative it is important to carry a card or wristband around with you at all times so that if you are to fall, paramedics and doctors would be aware you needed an additional anti-D injection - this helps to limit the chances of having a sensitisation event. Anti-D neutralises the D antigen in foetal blood so your blood does not detect it and produce antibodies to fight it.




Once the antibodies are created in your body they won't leave, so having anti-d injections help to protect future pregnancies as they can cross the placenta and attack the babys blood cells. When this happens it is known as rhesus disease - it can be mild and cause anaemia, but it can also be very serious causing haemolytic disease to the baby which can be fatal.

I myself am rhesus negative so I know it can sound rather scary. At the end of the day it is your own personal choice if you would like the anti-D injections - but for my own peace of mind I felt the few seconds of embarrassment outweighed anything else. My children were both rhesus negative anyway so I didnt need to have the additional injection after birth, but it is something I would still recommend mums to think about - even if they know their partner is rhesus negative.

 

If you would like to talk about being rhesus negative, rhesus disease, or any other issues that may have been raised from this blog post, please contact us team@nurturingnatalsupport.co.uk

Visualisation and Relaxation for Anger, Anxiety and Stress

What is "visualisation" and how can it help my anger, anxiety or stress ?

Visualisation is a technique that is especially useful for anger, anxiety and stress. It helps you to teach your mind and body to react positively to situations, emotions or thoughts.

Research suggests that your mind does not know the difference between real events and visualised events - so imaging positive outcomes or going to a positive place will help you your mind and body to adapt to a new conditioning.

So how can it help your anger, anxiety or stress? It can help your body feel calmer, happier, peaceful and relaxed - its an added bonus that it will also help your mind to think more positively!

So how do I do this?

Visualisation does that some time and practise, however once you have been doing it for a while you should start to see some positive results. Please note that the advice found here should never be used to replace your doctors advice. If you think you are suffering from anger, anxiety or stress, please seek medical advice.

1. Find your safe place - your safeplace (or "happy place") is whether you feel the most comfortable. This could be a beach, forest, your home, bath, school, anywhere. It is your own unique safe space and there is no right or wrong answer as to what is best. My safe place is a fores with a stream running down to a river and then a lake.
2. Immersion - now you have in mind briefly where your safe place is going to be. Now you need to start to travel there in your mind. Close your eyes and take nice deep even breaths. Make sure your surroundings are relaxing like a nice chair, cushions or bed. The only noise we would advice is classical, new age or tranquil music that will help you to relax. 
3. Relax your body - start to think about your feet, and them relaxing and going to slow. Work up your body, focusing on relaxation and sleep. Think about how it feels to be relaxed, listen to your heartbeat and your nice even breaths.
4. Visualisation - Now you should be starting to feel more relaxed, but don't worry if your not. It is also okay to still hold onto anything that is worrying you, this is normal, so don't beat yourself up over it. Now start to imagine how your safe place feels under your feet. You imagine stepping into your safe place and smelling the air, what does it smell like? You imagine opening your eyes and taking in the beautiful site, what does your safe place look like? You imagine eating or tasting the air, what does it taste like? You ear the water running or a bird, what does it sound like? You brush past something, what does it feel like? Imagine everything with all your senses, this will help your mind to think it is really there.
5. Coming around - It is up to you when you want to return from your safeplace. A good way to come around is imaging leaving your safe place. Refocus on your breathing and heartbeat once more. Then slowly imagine waking your body up, but starting from your head and working your way down. Then slowly open your eyes
6. Practise - The best way to see good results is to keep practising. I make sure I do this at least 20mins everyday and find it really helps to shake off any feelings of anxiety.

If you aren't sure on where your safe place would be, you can also purchase relaxation cds. They will help to talk you through various safe places and take you on visualisation journeys. I started off with these myself until I felt more comfortable with how to visualise.

If you have any questions about visualisation, relaxation, anger, anxiety or stress please email us at team@nurturingnatalsupport.co.uk