People often think someone has great self-esteem because they seem happy to talk with new people or they are always laughing. They think they must be really confident because they have been a performer, a public speaker etc. The sad reality is that anyone can suffer low self-esteem and sometimes you can’t even notice their struggle. The weeks leading up to their public appearance they might spend worrying and practicing and thinking of everything that can go wrong. At its worse they might have panic attacks and think of every possible excuse they can come up with to avoid doing it. Some might even believe if they do it they could die.
Even in a normal day people struggle with smaller things, even leaving the house, meeting people or going places on their own. They keep busy, They cover it up, They pretend they are fine, maybe to fool you? or maybe just to fool themselves?
“The problem with having low self esteem for me is not that I can’t carry on as normal or even that I can’t hold my head high and pretend I am proud of who I am, its that when life hands me another knock it hits me hard. The mask I have build for myself crumbles and I break down.”
What causes low self-esteem?
Low self-esteem can come from negative life experiences leading to negative core belief of yourself. These are just opinions yet you feel they are fixed facts. This can be from childhood when your personality and sense of self are developing or even later in life from a traumatic event.
Common experiences that effect core self beliefs:
- Being lonely
- Poor health
- Being bullied or feeling isolated at school or work
- Failing to meet you parents expectations
- Being neglected emotionally and physically as a child
- Stress or peer pressure to conform to something you don’t agree with
- Fearing redundancy or being unemployed
- Trauma
- Sexual, physical or emotional abuse
- Losing a loved one
How do you recognize low self-esteem?
Sometimes to cope people get so use to putting on a persona hoping it will help them to survive the world, that others wouldn’t even notice they have issues and insecurities. So how can you spot if a friend has low self-esteem, or even how do you know when your own feelings goes past shyness and into poor self-esteem?
“Characteristics of Genuinely Low Self Esteem
- Social withdrawal
- Anxiety and emotional turmoil
- Lack of social skills and self confidence. Depression and/or bouts of sadness
- Less social conformity
- Eating disorders
- Inability to accept compliments
- An Inability to see yourself 'squarely' - to be fair to yourself
- Accentuating the negative
- Exaggerated concern over what you imagine other people think
- Self neglect
- Treating yourself badly but NOT other people
- Worrying whether you have treated others badly
- Reluctance to take on challenges
- Reluctance to put yourself first or anywhere.
- Reluctance to trust your own opinion
- Expecting little out of life for yourself.”
So how do you increase your self-esteem and how is it related to mental health? can you fake it to make it? Some people have been doing it for years and still struggle daily and never know how to ask for help or if they will ever get to a point where everything isn’t such a struggle.
Here are 10 tips for coping with low self-esteem:
- "Stop comparing yourself to other people.
- Don’t put yourself down.
- Get into the habit of thinking and saying positive things about yourself to yourself.
- Accept compliments.
- Use self-help books and websites to help you change your beliefs.
- Spend time with positive supportive people.
- Acknowledge your positive qualities and things you are good at.
- Be assertive, don’t allow people to treat you with a lack of respect.
- Be helpful and considerate to others.
- Engage in work and hobbies that you enjoy.”
(Source: www.mind.org.uk)
Low self-esteem can effect everything you do in life and gives you low resilience to deal with life's situations. If you are struggling to cope and need help you can email us at:
team@nurturingnatalsupport.co.uk
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